A Happy Ending...

I know how the book ends. Trust me. So turn back to that page where your bookmark sits, waiting for you to live the way you were meant to live, savoring every moment.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Oh, the Places I'll Go...

My dear blog, I have not forgotten you. I'm here. Busy as usual.

I can't believe it, but my long-awaited travel season will begin in just a few short days. I leave tonight for a short overnight trip to work a college fair and then I'll get to come back home tomorrow. I'll consider this my dry run, although if I completely stink at college recruiting, there is really no turning back anyway. I am my own territory manager, and sink or swim, I've got to dive into 6 weeks of intense travel.

I feel over-anxious and underprepared. I feel like I'm doing work that is so foreign to me, and yet the work of building relationships is really at the core of what I am doing, and that has always been a strength of mine. I feel my heart start to pound before each tour I've given in the last few weeks, and yet a few steps into it I realize that it isn't about what I say on that hour-long trot through campus, it's who I am. Each of these students is looking for a place to belong, not a laundry list of things the campus has to offer. And so, I calm down and I just talk to them. I'm genuine and interested in who they are and what they have to say. And so far, each of them has found their way to the Admissions lounge with a pen in their hand, filling out part I of the Application. And that's the goal, according to my boss. My goal is a connection, and so far I've felt that each time. I guess that's all I can do.

But now it is time to take it all on the road. I'll travel to Dallas, throughout the entire state of Alabama, to Houston, and finally to the Florida panhandle. Not the most exciting destinations, but all within the comforts of southern hospitality. I've been nervous about the logistics of it, but I'm plugging away at getting those in place. And I'm growing more and more comfortable with the work to be done. But one thing really hit me this morning while Lauren and I were getting ready in front of my cute little wardrobe mirror. I'm not going to be home for SIX weeks. Sure, I'll come home for 24 hours or so each weekend, but that's just long enough to go into work, get squared away for the upcoming trip, give Richie a kiss on the cheek, do my laundry and get back on the road. I had to leave my home in Houston to come here, and now that I am all settled and this place truly feels like home, I have to leave again. I'm not sure I realized how that would feel.

I'm going to miss Richie terribly. We were so used to not seeing each other last year, but now we're in a great rhythmn with each other and I must disrupt it. There are days when he is the only thing familiar on this mountain and I think, if it is possible, I love him even more than I did when we left. Sure, we're still used to spending our nights apart - I watch him walk to his rented room next door each evening, but we share meals together, and laughter, and moments of beautiful silence. I just don't know what I'm going to do without him for six whole weeks. And at the end of those six weeks, it will be time for our wedding. I'm in enough of a frenzy trying to get all the last minute details planned without having to also be on the road. How will I ever do this?

Here I go again. Doubting. Will I ever stop my doubting. Just a few short months ago, I thought that God couldn't possibly have a place for me here on this mountain. I thought I'd move here and be destitute without a job. And look, I have a job with amazing opportunities that has given me more than a place on the mountain. It has given me a means to pay our bills and even somewhat of a purpose here, aside from supporting Rich. Still, I can't help but doubt. It is all feeling like too much. Moving, new job, TRAVELING, and getting married. Oddly enough, it isn't the getting married part that I'm nervous about. It's the wedding. So silly, I know.

What a disjointed blog I have just created. I guess that is the state of my mind.

Lauren was here this weekend and I had SUCH fun. I really don't know what I'd do without a friend nearby (and by nearby I mean SIX hours a way). And she is the perfect friend to have nearby. I miss her already and she just left a few hours ago. She simply filled my weekend with joy. I love you, my dear Lauren!

Ok, time to head back to work. Way too much to do to be working on this thing!